The question is no longer How? but When? (Chris Williams SJ)

Mere discipleship 

Sheds easy excuses, 

Burns hot and bright. 

All escapes slam shut. 

Merely strikes with searing clarity 

Of a metallurgist’s mallet. 

Sparks flying 

Bending resistant, habit-bound, 

Rough hewn raw materials 

Into instruments of peace. 

 

Mere discipleship 

Means begin ready 

To give everything away 

For the sake 

Of sorely unloved souls. 

 

Mere discipleship means 

Remaining 

Where Jesus told us he would rest – 

With weary, poor, repugnant, 

Ill and sin filled 

People in pain. 

 

Or rather, 

To recognize 

That I am the ill and sin filled, 

Perhaps hidden 

As I feign fullness. 

 

Just ask some simple questions: 

 

Do I love God more than everything else? 

 

Do I pray every day? 

 

Do I forgive my enemies? 

 

Would I really sell all I have,  

Give to the poor, 

And follow Jesus 

If he asked? 

 

Does the existence 

Of one innocent victim 

Inflict an overwhelming wound? 

 

Does my own indifference 

Garner a guilt that 

Nauseates my every nerve? 

 

Do I believe 

That my heart too 

Bears the original wound 

That with sin continuously pins – 

Today – Christ’s body on the cross? 

 

Can I still believe I am unconditionally loved? 

 

Do I believe God will forgive my greatest sin, 

Even if I commit it 

Over and over again? 

 

Will I give away 

What I see to be my deepest desire 

If God deigns I do so, 

Even when it feels 

Like I’ve lost everything 

That holds me steady? 

 

Do I believe that my spirit must die to live? 

 

Once I see 

How far I am 

From mere discipleship, 

God’s voice is no longer hidden. 

 

The question is no longer How? 

But When? 

 

God’s voice 

The metallurgist’s mallet, 

I cannot miss. 

I can only choose 

Whether or not to submit. 

 

If I do not go now, 

The pounding 

Of the merely mercilessly merciful mallet will 

Still unceasingly echo 

In the haunted hallways of my heart. 

--Chris Williams, SJ            

Image source: Jules Didier, La Metallurgie, detail (1881), https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/9c/Jules_Didier_-_La_m%C3%A9tallurgie_%2C_Esquisse_pour_l%27%C3%A9cole_de_la_rue_Ch%C3%A2teau-Landon%2C_10%C3%A8me_arrondissement_de_Paris_-_PPP3969_-_Mus%C3%A9e_des_Beaux-Arts_de_la_ville_de_Paris.jpg

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