My kids (even now that they are high schoolers) are still sorting things out. Of course, they are loving and giving and earnest, but they can also get stressed and selfish and moody. And, I guess, so can I. But there is no absence of love. From them. Or from me.
And it made me realize that the fullness of what it means to father or mother a child is to be strong and present, to love unconditionally, and to pay it forward. We have to smile when everyone is crabby, inquire when everyone is silent, and love when everyone is tapped out. It is not our place to count receipts or reconcile the ledger of kindness. Instead, it is our place to cheer and counsel, discipline and love infinitely regardless of the balance sheet.
Perhaps W.H. Auden said it best in his poem “The More Loving One”:
Looking up at the stars, I know quite well
That, for all they care, I can go to hell,
But on earth indifference is the least
We have to dread from man or beast.
How should we like it were stars to burn
With a passion for us we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be,
Let the more loving one be me.
Admirer as I think I am
Of stars that do not give a damn,
I cannot, now I see them, say
I missed one terribly all day.
Were all stars to disappear or die,
I should learn to look at an empty sky
And feel its total dark sublime,
Though this might take me a little time.
Our children love us. That is certain. But our love for them—that endless well that never, ever runs dry—is infinite. So, as you lay eyes on your children tonight (or the next time you see them), don’t count the receipts, reconcile the ledger, or consult the balance sheet. Simply smile, take a breath, and say to yourself, “Let the more loving one be me.”
--Dr. Tod Worner
Image source: OLMC Advent Fair 2024 (photo courtesy of J. Bacon), https://www.facebook.com/photo/?fbid=757996799699070&set=a.757479833084100
Quotation source
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