I want to be pregnant with God, but... (Enuma Okoro)

  I want to find my place amongst the people of advent  

but I can't quite decide who I am.  

I want to be pregnant with God  

but it takes such a toll on the body.  

I have given birth to things before  

And labor is hard and untimely.  

  

I want to welcome angels and say yes to anything.  

But if I saw an angel I would hold him hostage  

and send a ransom note of questions  

demanding answers, to God.  

  

I want to cheer blessings from the sidelines  

with a belly growing with prophecies,  

and have friends and strangers take hope.  

Because God has a season for those whose seasons have passed.  

  

I want to put my trust in dreams  

and in the words of the ones I love,  

to believe that God is as close as the one who would share my bed.  

  

But mostly I want to break from being the one  

who falls silent in the presence of all that's holy,  

who loses her words in disbelief,  

terrified by claims of joy and gladness,  

unable to believe that prayers are answered.  

--Enuma Okoro,
Silence and Other Surprising Invitations of Advent

Image source 1
Image source 2: Maria gravida (Mary at the Spinning Wheel), 

Németújvár, Hungarian National Gallery