Wednesday, November 17, 2021

If I could just relieve myself of my expectations (Natalie Merchant)


   I feel like every night is a dark night of the soul because I’ve not always been able to sleep. Your nights in the dark by yourself always seem to lead you to those questions: Why do I cling to my expectations of everything? If I could just relieve myself of my expectations, I would probably be a lot more satisfied. But it’s a battle, because I always feel that constant dissatisfaction also pushes me to work and try to change.

Giving up everything – my hungry ghost of hopefulness
Giving up everything – not haunted by not wanting this
Giving up everything – the fortune I was saving
Giving up everything – I mercy-killed my craving
Giving up everything – I’ve opened up my eyes for this
Giving up everything – see the whole magnificent emptiness

Gave what I want for how it is
for the stone inside and the bitterness
for the sweetness at the core of it

Giving up everything – the master plan, the scheming
Giving up everything – my cursed search for meaning
Giving up everything – the compass and the map I was reading
The hinterlands I’m leaving
I’m finally leaving behind

Giving up everything – the big to-do, the hullabaloo
The tug of war for some twisted truth
For the everlasting ache of it
No longer slave, not chained to it,
No gate, no guard, no keeper
No guru, master, teacher

See the slow-receding faces
dissolve to black, no traces

--Natalie Merchant

To hear Natalie Merchant sing Giving Up Everything, click on the video below:



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