Longing to See God (St. John of the Cross)

   I live, but not in myself, 

and I have such hope 

that I die because I do not die. 

                          

I no longer live within myself 

and I cannot live without God, 

for having neither him nor myself 

what will life be? 

It will be a thousand deaths, 

longing for my true life 

and dying because I do not die. 

                          

This life that I live 

is no life at all, 

and so I die continually   

until I live with you; 

hear me, my God:   

I do not desire this life, 

I am dying because I do not die. 

                         

When I am away from you 

what life can I have 

except to endure 

the bitterest death known? 

I pity myself, 

for I go on and on living, 

dying because I do not die. 

A fish that leaves the water 

has this relief: 

the dying it endures 

ends at last in death. 

What death can equal my pitiable life? 

For the longer I live, the more drawn out is my dying. 

When I try to find relief 

seeing you in the Sacrament, 

I find this greater sorrow:   

I cannot enjoy you wholly. 

All things are affliction 

since I do not see you as I desire, 

and I die because I do not die. 

And if I rejoice, Lord,   

in the hope of seeing you, 

yet seeing I can lose you 

doubles my sorrow. 

Living in such fear 

and hoping as I hope, 

I die because I do not die. 

                        

Lift me from this death, 

my God, and give me life; 

do not hold me bound 

with these bonds so strong;   

see how I long to see you; 

my wretchedness is so complete 

that I die because I do not die. 

                        

I will cry out for death 

and mourn my living 

while I am held here 

for my sins. 

O my God, when will it be 

that I can truly say:    

now I live, because I do not die? 

--St. John of the Cross, 

Stanzas of the Soul that Suffers with Longing to See God

Image source

Poem source (For an exploration of this poem, go to the poem source and click on the link at right.)